I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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