Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind

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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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(498): View more from

You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.

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(801): View more from Utah

Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.

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