U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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