I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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