I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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