he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just googled if crying burns calories
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize