I want to walk on stilts...naked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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