This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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