But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Come share oat with me in your robe
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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