Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
