i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
