i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
