when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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