no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
