After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
