I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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