could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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