At least make sure they are 18
Why
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
