Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
