I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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