so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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