i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think i have two assholes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
