Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize