okay pat passed out under dana's car
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
