Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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