i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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