I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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