You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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