I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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