I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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