it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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