Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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