my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
