i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
