I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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