Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize