I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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