Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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