he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
