I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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