So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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