My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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