i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
