He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
