last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
