just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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