Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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