I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
