Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
