I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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