Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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