Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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