i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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