i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
