my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
