Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
