I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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