I just cut my nipple shaving
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
