So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
