You made me cry and you don't even care
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
