So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
