Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
