Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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