No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
