i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
