Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
