Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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