I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
