i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
