We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
