It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
