Sober January is a disaster.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
